Back to December
by patz1307
Summary: "I didn't know what to do. I did the safest thing I can do. I thought it was easier running away. I thought it would be easier to just forget. But I can't forget. For a whole year I've felt nothing but regret..." M for pairing. SLASH. No sex scenes!


DISCLAIMER:

I do not own any of the characters nor the song. Characters from JK Rowling, song from Taylor Swift. Nope, not a Swift fan but this song got stuck and started forming something in my head.

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**_I'm so glad you made time to see me._**  
**_How's life? Tell me how's your family._**  
**_I haven't seen them in a while._**  
**_You've been good, busier than ever,_**  
**_We small talk, work and the weather,_**  
**_Your guard is up and I know why._**

I'm a nervous wreck. I shift in my seat, eyes dating up everytime I hear the door open. I haven't seen you in such a long time... It seems like an eternity when I last saw you.

My heart almost skipped a beat as I see you walk in. Same unruly black hair... those piercing green eyes behind the ghastly spectacles you refuse to throw away. it feels like I can hardly breathe as you sit before me.

"Cat got your tongue, Malfoy?"

I clear my throat, ears ringing as I hear your voice again. "Potter," I say with a nod, trying my best to keep still. "Good to see you again."

You chuckle softly, shaking your head. "You too, Malfoy."

And it all started there. A greeting, a small smile, and it felt like nothing was ever wrong. You talk about your job, youngest Head Auror in history. You talk about you adoptive family, the Weasleys, and the endless laughter you've shared with them. You were the easiest person to talk to in the world.

I can hardly keep up with the conversation; I keep staring at your face, memorizing every detail. I just can't get enough of the fact that after everything that happened... After what I did.

You finally look me in the eye, smiling gently and I knew everything was still different. Your guard is up and I know exactly why.

**_Because the last time you saw me Is still burned in the back of your mind._**  
**_You gave me roses and I left them there to die._**

_"Draco?" I hear you from the outside. "Draco, why is your door locked? Draco?"_

_I can hear you knocking, calling out my name. I can se you from the window of my bedroom, wrapped in a heavy cloak, still knocking and calling out my name. You knew where I'd be and you can already feel that there was something wrong._

_For almost an hour you stayed by the door, knocking from time to time. I stood watching, the windows charmed not to show take a step back; face red from the cold, hair wet from the melted snow, carefully placing the boquet of roses on the door step._

_It almost broke my heart as i see your expression. Those bright green eyes seemed to become dull as you look up. As if you knew I was standing there and watching you._

_You stuff your hands in your coat pocket, slowly walking your way to the apparition point. It was either in my mind or you were deliberately moving slowly, as if urging me to go after you._

_I almost did._

**_So this is me swallowing my pride,_**  
**_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"_**  
**_And I go back to December all the time._**  
**_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you._**  
**_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine._**  
**_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right._**  
**_I go back to December all the time._**

"Harry..."

"Don't," you sigh, looking down at the table, gripping your butterbeer bottle. "Just don't."

I lick my suddenly dry lips. "But..."

"It was nice talking to you, Malfoy," you say softly, getting up and dropping galleons on the table to pay for our drinks, heading out before I can utter another word.

**_These days I haven't been sleeping,_**  
**_Staying up, playing back myself leavin'._**  
**_When your birthday passed and I didn't call._**  
**_And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,_**  
**_I watched you laughing from the passenger side._**  
**_Realized that I loved you in the fall._**

I would lay awake in my bed, remembering our moments together. It's been a year since it happened. Since I left you standing alone in the cold. There were nights when I'd just stare at the ceiling, imagining your arms around me once more, thinking of how I could've just ignored you like that.

_I was staring at the at the fireplace, battling with myself to floo and wish you a happy birthday. I could remember just last year we celebrated your birthday. You showed me around the muggle area, laughing at me as I sit so stiffly beside you as you drove around London. The same day you parked near a field and sitting on the hood, urging me to do the same._

_You gave me a kiss, making my eyes go wide. And I kiss back, though not knowing how to react._

_Slowly, I knew I was falling in love. Love. Something I was so unsure of. Something that was foreign to me. Something that i couldn't grasp or understand._

_I was scared._

**_And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind  
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"._**

_I tried to evade you as much as I can. Changing my shifts in St. Mungo's. I avoided going out in fear of running into you. Ignored your owls, shut off my floo network and kept to myself most of the time._

_"Draco!" I hear you call out one night as I was walking out of the Hospital, the snow crunching under your feet as you ran after me._

_I walk faster, pulling my cloak around me, pretending not to hear you call out. i feel yor hand grasp my arm, pulling me back._

_"Draco, what the hell is going on?"_

_"Potter,"I say civilly, my heart beating wildly against my chest as I turn to look at you. "Is something wrong?"_

_"Something wrong? You've been ignoring me for a month, Draco! Of course there's something wrong! Where have you been? I've sent you numerous messages."_

_"I was busy, Potter. I have a lot of things to do."_

_"What's with the 'Potter' name?"_

_"That is your name, right?" I ask cooly, raising an eyebrow, leaving my face emotionless._

_"Draco... What's going on? I... I've missed you. Can we talk?"_

_"I have to go, Potter."_

_"Draco, please... Don't do this. We've spent so much time together. Why suddenly throw it all away?"_

_"And what am I exactly throwing away, Potter?"_

_You stare at me, eyes wide. "Don't tell me you don't feel it, Draco. Don't lie to me... Don't lie to yourself. You know exactly what we have. Please," you begged, voice shaking in hurt._

_I pull my arm gently from your grasp, turning and walking away without answering._

_"I love you, Draco!" You call out to me._

_I turn to look at you, face emotionless though my heart was shattering inside. "Good bye, Harry."_

**_So this is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."_**  
**_And I go back to December all the time._**  
**_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,_**  
**_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine._**  
**_I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind I go back to December all the time._**

I stare numbly at the wall as I arrive home. Tears silently falling down my cheeks. I had my chance... I just had my chance to apologize. And I lost it. I let it slips from my grasp.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,  
So good to me, so right And how you held me in your arms that September night -  
The first time you ever saw me cry.

You smile, your laugh, the way our skin contrasted as we held hands. The way you held me as mother passed away. My tears dampening your shirts as you pulled my to your chest. Things I couldn't just forget. Things that we did together, the time we'd just stare at each other's eyes without saying anything...

**_Maybe this is wishful thinking,_**  
**_Probably mindless dreaming,_**  
**_But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right._**  
**_I'd go back in time and change it but I can't._**  
**_So if the chain is on your door I understand._**

I gave out a frustrated cry, regretting what I threw away. Everything. It took me a whole year to just realize what I had lost. It only took a night with you to let me know how stupid I have been.

I loved you. I still love you.

I won't give up. Just once more. It's a make or break decision. My own heart's life and death. I stand, disapparating on the spot.

The cold wind greeted me as I arrive at the front of your house. I shudder slightly, from the cold and from my fear. Would I suddenly know how rejection feels? Would my heart suddenly die in pain? Would my tears fall once more because of you?

**_But this is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."_**  
**_And I go back to December..._**  
**_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,_**  
**_Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine._**  
**_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right._**  
**_I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_**

"Harry?"

I step inside, looking around. You turn around, seated on the floor before the fireplace. Our eyes meet once more.

"D-Malfoy?"

"I'm sorry..." I whisper. "For that night I left you hanging. I'm sorry for ignoring all your messages. I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I... I didn't know how to handle things... I didn't know what to do. I did the safest thing I can do. I thought it was easier running away. I thought it would be easier to just forget. But I can't forget. For a whole year i've felt nothing but regret that why I asked you to meet me one more time.

"So this is me... I'm swallowing my pride and standing in front of you to apoligize for that night. if i could only turn back time and redo everything, i would. I love you, Harry. So much. Please... Forgive me?"

You give me a small smile, patting the space beside you and I choke back a sob as I walk and sit beside you.

"I love you too."

**_I go back to December all the time._**  
**_All the time._**

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A/N: AND I AM BACK! Trying to shake off the rust from my writing skills. I've had a writer's block and lost my muse for writing. I'm trying my best to bring it all back and I WILL be contuing the others i have left off. Give me a bit of time to oil myself and hop onto the previous fics.

I still love reviews! Encourage me people!

_pat_


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